The Night My Husband Shared Me – Part 4: All Three

I spent the whole week thinking about Saturday.

Not nervously. I was done with nervous. Rahul had taken care of nervous two weeks ago and Karan had taken care of whatever remained last week. What I spent the week feeling was anticipation — a low steady heat that sat in my chest from Monday to Friday and made it very difficult to concentrate on anything else.

On Wednesday I came home from office and found Arjun in the kitchen making dinner. I came up behind him and pressed against his back and said directly into his ear exactly what I wanted Saturday to look like. Every detail. He stood very still while I talked. When I finished he turned around and looked at me.

“Say that again,” he said.

I said it again. He kissed me hard and we did not eat until nine thirty.

Saturday I woke up calm. Clear. Completely certain.

I took a long bath. I oiled my hair and wore it open and long. For what to wear I had thought about it all week. In the end I chose a red silk saree — proper silk, the kind that moves like water — with a deep cut blouse that barely covered anything and left my entire back open. Red bangles. Red bindi. I lined my eyes darkly and put on the perfume I only wear for Arjun on special occasions.

When I came out of the bedroom Arjun looked at me from across the room and said nothing for a full ten seconds.

“Priya,” he finally said.

“I know,” I said.

“They are going to lose their minds completely.”

“That is the plan,” I said.

Rahul and Karan arrived together at eight. I opened the door. Both of them went completely still in the doorway looking at me.

Karan said “oh my God.”

Rahul said nothing. His jaw just worked silently for a moment.

“Come in,” I said pleasantly, like I was hosting a normal dinner party, like I was not wearing a red silk saree with three men’s eyes moving over every inch of me, like my whole body was not already on fire.

We ate dinner. Good food, good wine. The conversation was easy — these were people who knew each other, liked each other, had history together. Under the easy conversation was the knowledge of what the evening was going to become and that knowledge gave everything a sharp electric edge.

Over dessert I looked at all three of them sitting around my dining table — my husband, my husband’s two best friends — and felt something so large and so warm move through my chest that I had to look down at my plate for a moment.

Then I looked up and said: “Shall we.”

Three pairs of eyes on me.

“Bedroom,” I said simply.

In the bedroom I stood in the center of the room and all three of them stood in a loose arc around me and I looked at each of them one by one — Rahul, calm and focused; Karan, barely containing himself; Arjun, watching me with those dark eyes that saw everything.

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“I want to say something first,” I said.

They waited.

“Tonight I want everything,” I said clearly. “I want all three of you. I want it rough and I want it slow and I want it loud. I want you to tell me what you think of me and I want to hear every word. I want Arjun watching me from wherever he wants to be. I am telling you exactly what I want because tonight is mine and I am not going to pretend otherwise.” I paused. “Any questions.”

Karan made a sound that was not quite a word.

Rahul said “no questions.”

Arjun said “it is yours. All of it.”

I reached up and let the saree pallu fall from my shoulder.

What happened next was exactly what I had imagined and also nothing like what I had imagined because the reality of it — the actual warmth and weight and aliveness of it — was so much more than any mental image could contain.

Rahul came to me first, hands on my face, kissing me deeply, unhurried as always. While he kissed me I felt Karan come up behind me, his hands moving over my bare back, lips on my neck and shoulder. Having both of them touching me at once was a kind of overload that made my knees genuinely weak. Rahul caught me.

“I have got you,” he said quietly.

“I know,” I said. “Do not stop.”

Arjun positioned himself in the chair by the window — close enough to see everything, far enough to give us the whole room. I looked at him across Rahul’s shoulder and his expression was the most intense thing I had ever seen on his face — not jealousy, not anger. Something older and rawer than either of those.

“Watch me,” I said to him.

“I am,” he said.

They laid me down on the bed and what followed was a long generous time of hands and mouths and heat and the particular dizzying luxury of complete and total attention. Rahul on one side, Karan on the other, both of them focused on me with an intensity that made me feel like the only thing in the room, in the city, in the world.

“Tell us what you want,” Karan said. “Out loud. All of it.”

I told them. Every detail. Out loud clearly enough that Arjun could hear every word from his chair and I heard his breathing change and that made me say more.

“I want Rahul’s mouth on my breasts,” I said. “I want Karan between my thighs. I want Arjun to come here and let me hold his hand because I need something of his to hold onto.”

Arjun was off the chair and next to me in two seconds. I grabbed his hand and squeezed hard and he squeezed back and looked down at me with those eyes and said “I am here” and I said “I know, do not go” and he said “never” and then Rahul’s mouth found my nipple and Karan’s hands found my hips and I stopped being able to form words for a while.

I came the first time holding Arjun’s hand, Rahul’s name on my lips, Karan’s hands gripping my thighs. The sound I made surprised even me.

“Good?” Karan said, looking up at me with dark satisfied eyes.

“Shut up and do not stop,” I said.

He laughed and did not stop.

Arjun eventually stopped watching and started participating and the shift of that — from the three of us to all four of us, him fully present and fully mine again at the center of everything — felt like a completion of something. I pulled him down and kissed him with everything I had and he kissed back and the other two men around us and the whole enormous night around us felt suddenly like it had been building to exactly this one specific moment.

“I love you,” I said against his mouth.

“I know,” he said. “I love you. All of this and still just you.”

The night went on a long time. The city outside went quiet. At some point Karan fell asleep in the chair Arjun had vacated — fully clothed, which everyone agreed later was impressively decent of him. Rahul let himself out quietly at some point past midnight with a soft goodbye.

Arjun and I lay in the dark in the wreckage of the most extraordinary night of my life.

“Priya,” he said.

“Arjun,” I said.

“Are you everything you wanted to be tonight.”

I thought about it honestly. The balcony. The confession. Rahul. Karan. Tonight. All of it laid end to end from the beginning to here.

“Yes,” I said. “Completely.”

He pulled me close and I went to sleep in his arms with Bangalore quiet outside and everything that had been hungry in me finally, completely still.

Continue reading: The Night My Husband Shared Me – Part 5: Only Him